In honor of V-Day, the big love-fest, I've put together a handy little guide for guys who are in the midst of figuring out the complicated landscape called dating. Fortunately, not all men are clueless. But I have run across a few who just have no idea. So, I'm making a handy-dandy guide for dudes who don't get it. If you're not a dude, you can put this on your fridge for the next time you run across one who needs some gentle hints on how to treat the female species. This is drawn from my own personal experience only (feel free to laugh at my pain, though).
2. "I'm sorry you got upset" IS NOT AN APOLOGY!!! (Do try again).
3. If you have to leave in the middle of the night while a girl is sleeping because you're scared of her cat, or your car rolled out of your driveway and through the neighbor's living room, or you got hit by a sudden attack of salmonella and crapped yourself, send her a message the second you get home (or better yet, before you leave) explaining why she woke up alone. Or make up something if you crapped yourself. We really don't want to know that.
4. If you have a girl and you appreciate her, let her know it or she'll find someone who will. (Just hope she tells you beforehand).
5. If you're dating a girl on Valentines Day, and you think it's all a bunch of consumerist crap, suck it up and ask her out anyway. Don't tell her you'll just be sitting at home watching TV because Valentines Day is stupid. She already knows it's silly, and she doesn't care. At least take her out to dinner. I mean, you have to eat anyway, right? It doesn't have to be a big deal. Just do it because SHE wants to. She will appreciate it, I promise. Just gauge her level of enthusiasm first. You don't want to put on a violin concerto and read your own poetry by candlelight to a cynic. She might laugh, and you will then die.