nervousness

so i read over my first book of the series, and i'm ready (relatively speaking) to send it off to a friend for the purpose of editing and suggestion. i'm so nervous! i know i shouldnt be, but i can't help it. just like when i meet with my editor friend, i'm always on my last nerve. it's nerve-wracking showing so much work to someone and knowing there's a fifty-fifty shot they'll go, 'what were you thinking? that's the worst book i've ever read! i can't believe i wasted all my time reading that, you talentless bird-brain.' or something like that. probably not to my face, since they're friends. But behind my back, anything goes. maybe i should just go to a conference and let strangers tell me that. at least then i wouldn't have to face the pitying looks,(can you believe she thought that was a good idea?)
oh, well, guess you never know til you try. might as well get it over with and move on to the next thing. besides, i dont want an editor thinking i'm nuts for trying...i'd rather have a friend tell me. at least then i can pretend they dont really mean it.
so here goes nothing. or everything, depending on my frame of mind at any given moment. yes, i know i'm a wreck. it's part of the job description.

finito

finished book 3 yesterday, and on to book 4 soon. editing the first book and looking for agents soon. here we go...found 3 agents who look interesting. not sure how i'm going to change book 1. still looking at it and not sure if i'm happy with it. that probably means that i'm not. but so far i'm not seeing how i can make it a better but i'm not feeling everything is perfect yet. or as good as it can get. i want it a certain way and i want to keep it like that for my own selfish artistic reasons, but i know i shouldnt if i want other people to like it. hrrmm. i guess that's always the struggle, and maybe i'm just being stubborn and not wanting to stray from my original ideas of how it should be, and if i just did it anyway, maybe it would be a lot better. who knows, it's late and i'm rambling. and so excited about starting the next step of the journey.
this next book will be a more settled one with more in-depth character journey than outward journey. i have an idea of where it will lead, but not sure how they'll get there. and that's the exciting part.

Fail

my computer has been in the shop since wednesday morning, which is of course a major bummer. but i've had work (the kind i get paid for) so it wasn't all that bad. remembering i have a real job is sometimes good for me. but i missed writing so bad!
so glad to get back to it next time i have a day (or a couple hours) off. had time to ruminate on some of my story elements, realize i needed a concrete conflict for this book that's turning out to be more like two or three. So having each one develope a separate conflict is going to be harder than i thought at first, when i only had to worry about one. But i think i've got it mostly figured out. Time to get writing.

page 220

did i really write a hundred pages between friday and monday? well, yes. super excited about where this is going but have a feeling it may turn into an extra book i hadn't planned on. which is good, in a way, since i'm still not sure about the first book. each book is supposed to take place over one year, but i'm about two thirds of the way through the third book and only on the first season, so...
fun fun times. never want to do anything else but write write write every spare moment i have. i think that's a good sign.

website

lovely website for aspiring writers.

www.agentquery.com

good guidelines, advice, and a ton of agents.