This is the way that love ends.

"This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper."--TS Eliot, The Hollow Men

Though T.S. Eliot had bigger ideas than love, thanks to Valentines Day, that is the topic on many minds today. And though the poem is not a love poem, it aptly describes the end of love. For most of us, this is how love ends. Not with a bang, not with heart-rending wails of loss, but with a quiet fading of affection, with the proverbial whimper. It's not as dramatic as the movies would have us believe. It's more mundane than our romantic hearts want to admit. Although some may point to the end of love as the moment immediately preceded by affairs, betrayals, and other drama, that is usually not the case. Those events cause the heart-rending wails. By the time love is gone, there is no more wailing. That requires an intensity of passion that we no longer possess.

This is the way love ends. With the realization that you no longer care what she's saying. With the realization that you would rather stay at the office a few more hours than go home to him. With the realization that your friends are more interesting than your lover. That you are more interesting.

This is the way love ends. Quietly, so gradually we hardly notice. Bit by bit, day by day, we have lost the will to put in the effort, to expend the energy needed to make a relationship thrive. We have lost the desire to please our partners, and more tellingly, the desire for them to find us pleasing. He no longer wears the sweater she bought him that he never liked but wore to make her smile. He no longer compliments her, not because he no longer appreciates her, but because he no longer notices her. She no longer wears his favorite perfume, no longer dresses up for him. She's given up on being noticed, perhaps no longer wants to be noticed.

This is the way love ends. With two people sitting on opposite ends of the couch without speaking. With two people sitting at the dinner table without speaking. With two people shutting off the lights and climbing into bed together and turning to face opposite walls. Not out of anger, but because they have nothing to say to each other, because they can't be bothered to start a conversation. Not because they are avoiding touch but because they have forgotten that the urge to reach for each other was ever present.

This is the way love ends.
This is the way love ends.
This is the way love ends.
Not with an irate lover throwing the contents of the closet out the window,
But with an obligated sigh as we dutifully trudge onwards.

For some, Valentines Day is all about chocolate and roses and sappy Hallmark cards. For others, it has a darker side. This year, some authors invited me to join their blog hop celebrating the grisly, dark side of love. Find a list of their posts by clicking on the link below.
http://afstewartblog.blogspot.ca/?m=1

    The Bloody Valentine Blog Hop

A Guide for Guys (Post V-Day Regrets: Oh No You Didn't!)

Valentines Day has come and gone. You had your shot to impress or less. How'd you do?

Well, even if you proposed by putting a ring in her dessert and she broke a tooth or choked and had to go to the hospital, don't despair. Or if you spilled wine all over her new dress. Or if you didn't listen to my sage advice and you didn't ask her to do anything, and she cried. If you're wondering why she hasn't called you back, make sure you didn't do any of the following.

1. Did you really make her ask you out? Shame on you!!!

2. If among your cuddling and sweet talking you said anything even remotely close to, "I wish I could keep you locked up in my basement so you could never see anyone else for the rest of your life." Maybe you thought it was sweet, but it's just creepy.

3. You've been going out for 3 months and still haven't kissed her? She thinks you're gay and she's given up.

4. You drank a few too many and seem to have a big blank space in your memory. Maybe at a somewhat crucial moment. Better find out what happened next. Really. You better.

5. Did everything right and still got the cold shoulder? You got her flowers, gave her a massage, made her dinner, and sang her a great song at karaoke, even bought an embarrassingly sentimental stuffed monkey for her because you know she loves monkeys, and yet she was unmoved?

Go find someone else. You're wasting your time and she doesn't deserve you, anyway (but feel free to give me a call. I love massages. And monkeys).